This weekend was kind of a waste. I finally have a break from classes, but I just didn't feel like enjoying the time off to actually go out. Friday some coworkers were planning to head out and show some visiting Australians a good time. I opted instead to just stay home and get sleep. Saturday I met up with people for dinner but then decided to call it a night because I thought we were supposed to do this Warrior Dash race. Turns out that night, the other people supposed to run the race decided to bail. So $60 registration fee out the window and I was home on a Saturday night by 9. Bleh. For once, I think I actually have caught up on some sleep, though.

Anyway, I suppose with all this free time I should have had time to go to church, pray, and just generally understand and process how I felt about my cousin's recent suicide. But mostly I just watched NBA playoffs, tried to avoid thinking about work, ate far too many pretzels, and ended up watching some episodes of Law and Order: SVU.

SVU is the only Law and Order version I've actually followed and often I ask myself why I voluntarily watch episodes about rape, murder, and kidnapping. Although the crimes are sometimes interesting, there can only be so many versions of a creepy dude preying on innocent kids. What makes the show interesting is how the main characters deal with different situations and how it affects their own family and personal relationships. The earlier episodes did a better job of exploring how one of the detectives (Stabler) ends up interacting with his wife and kids after seeing heinous crimes all day. He in fact just ends up not interacting with wife and kids at all, remaining really closed off and forcing his wife to question his commitment to her. This dynamic is pretty interesting, but later seasons have pretty much made the show cookie cutter episodes: random person finds a dead body in a weird place. Stabler and Olivia show up to investigate. The likely suspect turns out not to be the guilty party. Insert some twist. They find and convict the real suspect. Fade to black... executive producer: Dick Wolf. 

Aside from the characters, the twists and acting of the victims are other things that make the show interesting. I'll hold off about the acting for now. What made me want to write this post are those twists... and wondering if it's appropriate to use the portrayal of people's misfortunes and violent crimes for entertainment. I know I know... this question has been asked a million times. But it seems like one of the standard twists for a show like this is something like the following scenario. A crime is committed. It seems like the prosecution doesn't have enough evidence to convince the judge or jury of the guilt of the perpetrator. Then, the cops do some stellar detective work after 41 minutes (not including commercial breaks), and get the last piece of evidence right in time. However, before the jury can hear the new evidence, the audience discovers that the witness or the victim has committed suicide in order to avoid dealing with the pain of the trial. Fade to black...

The audience is left to wonder if suicide solves anything... has the victim has now found peace? or is it selfish of the victim to leave the rest of us to deal with the remnants of the effects of the crime. But now... after going to services for a young suicide victim in person, this "twist" has a new vantage point. What about the families of the suicide victim? What about the uncles and cousins and friends that the victim has left behind? The episode's fade out does little to bring their situation to light. I know it's sad that I'm comparing my life to a TV show, but there are so many crime shows out there, even if you don't intend to watch one, it seems much more likely that one's knowledge of crime will come from TV and not real-life experiences. 

Anyway... where am I going with this? My cousin's wake and funeral were just tough experiences to go through. I have to say that I didn't know him as well as I should have, and seeing all of his friends get up and relate how meaningful he was to them didn't make this realization any easier. Also, the fact that he was so young... 29, made you question whether you could deal with anyone close to you passing away. And the ultimate questions of: if I passed away, what would I want people to remember most about me? What do I want my mark on this world to be? Will I be able to leave this world without any regrets? I wish I had the answer to any of these questions. These days I seem to get more and more confused as I learn new skills and more about the world. What really matters to me? And even more basic than that, what do I really enjoy doing?

Looking at all of these questions, I'm realizing that two weeks later, I'm over-analyzing everything. Serve others, do the things that make yourself and others around you smile. I think it's really as simple as that. If you can figure out how to survive and get paid for those two activities, you've found your passion. If your job is just a way to get you to be able to better serve others, well I don't think you're too far off from what you've been created for. My outright religious answer of serving the Lord is also in the mix, but I've been drifting from that too... it just seems like something good to say without any desire behind it write now.

I write these posts mostly to capture what I'm feeling at the time in whatever vagueries my fingers can create. Law and Order SVU is an interesting premise with interesting characters. I just hope I don't have to experience any more of the show's twists firsthand. I'm fine with using overly dramatic events as entertainment, I just wish they could stay purely on the Hollywood side of things.

Keep smiling, cuz. Keep smiling.

I think I'd describe the Crossfit Open as what happens when the Olympics has a baby with social media. There's something in the workouts for everyone--whether it's jumping on a box, working out on gymnastic rings, or just doing a pushup--and at the same time, the workouts are limited to minimal equipment and staying in a single shot of your flip camera/iphone/other video recording device. So yeah... olympic weightlifting and gymnastics constrained by a twitter-like character limit. 

How the Open works is each week, people from all over the world who have ben drinking the Crossfit Kool-Aid have the chance to compete on a workout that is posted with a set of rules and movement standards. You can record yourself doing the workouts with a clock in the picture and a clear view of the weights used, and then upload it to the competition website. Or you can complete the workout at an affiliate gym with trainers to count your score.

The simplest workout to explain so far was the first one: do as many burpees as you can in 7 minutes (a burpee is a movement where you begin from a standing position, squat down, do a pushup, and then jump back up to a standing position). If you've never tried these, do as many as you can in a minute, and let me know how you feel. The word "crap" will probably in your description.

This first workout was simple enough, almost mindless in fact. However, the point of the Open is to find the "fittest on earth" and there's no question that moving from standing to the ground and then back to standing is a basic movement that any fit person should be able to do. My score was 79 burpees in 7 minutes. Roughly 11 burpees a minute... which was pretty bad compared to the rest of the Open athletes. To give some perspective, the guy who won that week did 160 burpees in 7 minutes. Freaking double my score. I can't even comprehend how that's possible.

If this competition has taught me anything, it's that the human body is an amazing thing. I'm definitely not doing this competition to win it (I have no chance at that). But it's humbling, depressing, awe-inspiring, and motivating, all at the same time to see just what people are capable of. Granted the winning athletes train for this event full time, doing multiple workouts each day, but still... you watch the videos that people post, and you swear that these guys (and girls) are in fact robots.

So let's walk through the mental hurdles of one of the workouts. The second workout consisted of lifting a barbell from the ground to over your head (a snatch). Do this for 30 reps, increase the weight, do another 30 reps, increase the weight, do another 30 reps, increase the weight, and then do as many of these lifts as possible at the final weight (210 lbs). The time limit for all of this is 10 minutes. I only made it to the second round of 30. Yes, there's a lot of technique to move the bar efficiently and that's what the best athletes do. For me, my thought process was as follows throughout the workout:

After 17 reps: I put the bar down, and take a few breaths (75 lbs)
After 25 reps: Another quick break, this is doable
After 30 reps: I take a break, and add the additional weight (135 lbs)
Rep 31: Am I lifting an entire car or just a bar with some rubber on it? It's hard to tell. Probably a car. I fail and the bar falls after it gets to about my hips.
Rep 31 (round 2): I try again, the bar moves slightly higher but still not above my head
Rep 31 (round 3): I manage to complete the rep and drop the bar on the ground. I know for certain that the next round at a higher weight is out of the question
Rep 32 - 35: These are completed, but with awful form. All I can think about is that there are girls around the world who can do this weight easily. Stupid girls.
Rep 36-38: Something clicks, and my form improves dramatically. I can do this. Perhaps I will qualify for the next round after all.
Rep 39: Failed attempt.
Rep 39 (round 2): Failed attempt. My dreams of winning Crossfit are over.
Rep 39 (round 3): Failed attempt. Why doesn't the timer just stop? Why are people watching me? I need new shoes, then I would be better.
Rep 39-42: I struggle the bar overhead each time. My form is out the window. The clock is so close to 10 minutes. Thank god this is almost over.
Rep 43: It feels like it takes about 30 seconds to straighten my arms to bring the bar overhead. In the process, it hits my head several times and the bar is anything but parallel. Thank god this isn't a video submission.

Time! It's over. I finished somehow but didn't have good enough technique to really feel fatigued. Just pure frustration. Maybe if I had new shoes...

After four workouts, I'm ranked 1300th out of 2000 in the DC region (for my age/sex) and 16000th out of 25000 in the world. Granted, after each week I've done better and better comparatively, it's still crazy to think how many people are competing. The top 60 in each region move on to the next round of competition. To put that in perspective, I would have to have done 50 more burpees in week 1, 30 more snatches in week 2, 100 more reps of box jumps, push presses, and situps in week 3, and in week 4, have done 11 more muscle ups. Considering I can't even do 1 muscle-up (pulling yourself up from the ground handing by rings to having your upper body above the rings), these numbers are just insane. And that's just to be the last competitor in one region that makes it to the next round.

Okay... I'm geeking out on the crossfit lingo. What this competition is really about is the ability to compare yourself to 60,000 people around the world in a completely online fitness competition. If there's one thing America is good at, it's creating competition out of nothing. Cupcake battles, keeping your job, surviving on an island... We can make anything into a competition. But something like the Open is simply incredible. Taking a bunch of random fitness movements and creating a culture around where people bring in DJs to their gym, make t-shirts based around workout names and create entire lines of fitness equipment is pure America. I wonder what Crossfit will look like in 25 years... if something that's really just a hybrid of a bunch of different sports can really stand on its own. I think in 10 years, the sport will be almost unrecognizable from where it started more or less 10 years ago. But right now, I'm pretty inspired (and a lot sore). One workout left... let's go!

"Live life given now, tomorrow can wait
Dance all through the night, sleeping all day
You're stuck inside a box, you gotta get out
Stand up, get up, live your life now" -David Guetta

Spring break! Was this past week. At least for me, spring break for a part-time MBA student meant doing my taxes, getting my car cleaned and going to work every day. 

But it was actually pretty awesome. Aside from Friday where work consumed my life for a good 13 hours, it was my priority to make it into DC to do something fun every day and I managed to do just that. 

Monday- Salsa w/ friend from MBA program
Tuesday- Stand up/storytelling w/friend from MBA program
Wednesday- Pizza dinner on the mall to celebrate pi day
Thursday- (a bit lame)- picked up race packet for Saturday's half marathon
Saturday- half marathon followed by a long nap
Saturday (starting over)- St. Paddy's day bar/club wandering around Dupont and U st with friends from RI passing through
Sunday- post-St. Paddy's day karoake and wandering around Dupont w/friends from RI

I need to make a record that I actually had fun (and a life) this week, because starting tomorrow it will be back to the incessancy of work-school-work-school-gym-work-sleep-schwork-gym-sleep-sclygork.... basically it all just one blends into one jumbled mess.

So yes, this week was a welcome (almost) break. I'm still trying to take a day off next week to really enjoy myself, so hopefully my tomorrow-can-wait attitude will continue a bit longer. 

But yeah, the highlight of the week: on Saturday, after most of DC had been studiously observing St. Patrick by drinking since 10 AM and wearing the requisite green and denim uniform, we ended up at a "you're trying way-too hard" type of club. That phrase goes both for the club and the people there. Lots of indoor sunglasses, lots of sparklers attached to $100 bottles of Stoli (I don't know how much the bottles actually were, but yes, I am judging.) Anyway, in the midst of fun but repetitive dance mixes, there was a guy dressed in a bunny suit. Hi-larious. Bunny was getting down and everyone in the place was loving it. Basically like that Kia commercial with the hamsters and lots of strobe lights. I'm glad I have this image to fall back on, cuz it's gonna be a bit of a fun dry spell for the next seven weeks.

I don't think the song was about a bunny, but man... I love it. Bust out of your cage bunny and get down!

"You're stuck inside a box, you gotta get out
Stand up, get up, live your life now"

next post: paleo, crossfit open, and a half marathon...

"Gentlemen, let's just take a moment here to celebrate something that I think we can all agree is a truly amazing thing, and that is me."  -The League

The League is a hilarious show. Vulgar, crude, male, but still hilarious. I wonder where all of the writers come from. Anyway, back before school started up again, I think I watched 3 seasons in a weekend. Yes, my life is that exciting.

But now... school is in session. And it feels like... school. I admit it could be a lot harder, for sure. We could have real micro econ assignments, instead of being asked to understand concepts and explain trends qualitatively but the other two classes--data analysis and cost accounting make me not care that one class is a (hopeful) cakewalk. We have our micro econ midterm next week, which I'm thoroughly unprepared for, so we'll see how much of a cakewalk it really is.

That being said, today is my birthday. I got to work at 8:30 and left at 11:30. That pretty much says it all. Highlights of the day were a great dinner with friends and honestly just being in my bed at 4 pm on a Friday and temporarily forgetting about everything else. No work, no school, no paleo challenge, no knee pain, no wondering what I will do with my life. Just existing. Sadly, just being and enjoying the moment is something I'm not good at. I'm always looking toward the next experience, having something planned out for the next hour or week. It's hard for me to just go with what happens. But if anything I've learned this year how to be selfish. Sounds weird, I know. There's a quote from someone, that the key to failure is trying to please everyone. There's definitely some truth to that. Although they don't tell you that the draw of pleasing everyone else isn't that you're being altruistic, it's that (at least for me), it's a lot easier to see what pleases other people than to see what pleases myself. 

I have a lot of good going for me right now... which I brush aside, or forget, or just don't want to acknowledge. And it's great to have friends to remind you of these things (thank you J, thank you K). I suppose the mark of being an adult, or at least what I hope to have figured out in the near future is what really pleases me--what is a sustainable balance of serving others but still moving forward with my own goals? For now, I'm just happy I can celebrate me (a few hours at a time).

Happy birthday.

‎"I gradually gained a bit of satisfaction from being considered an extremist. Was not Jesus an extremist?... the question is not whether we will be extremist but what kind of extremist will we be. Will we be extremists for hate or will we be extremists for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice -- or will we be extremists for the cause of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill three men were crucified. We must never forget that all three were crucified for the same crime -- the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thus fell below their environment. The other, Jesus Christ, was an extremist for love, truth, and goodness, and thereby rose above His environment. So, after all, maybe the South, the nation, and the world are in dire need of creative extremists."
-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today we observe Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s accomplishments and impact on civil rights. I tried to do my part and find a volunteering opportunity to take part in today. Being in the DC area, there are so many volunteer opportunities, it's almost daunting. At least 5 different websites list all of the different activities that are available and links to register. However, because I was late to sign up (I started looking on Friday), most of the "authentic" volunteering opportunities--helping in an underachieving school, painting a community center, helping with clothing drives--were all full.

This lack of space led me to help out with a brush-clearing project for rock creek park, where we helped to clear away ivy that is strangling some of the trees on the trail. I have to say that I'm pretty sure MLK didn't envision his birthday being celebrated by a bunch of north-face-clad 20 somethings chopping away vines in a park. It was a beautiful day, though, just nice to be outside in the (frigid) clear air. I signed up, more or less out of duty, since I know my free time for volunteering will be limited with the start of the semester tomorrow. And frankly since I've been in this area, my giving back has been limited to random church events. With the activity, I figured I could do some good and get a burst of altruism in my veins. Then I came back and, appropriately, wanted to post something insightful on facebook to celebrate the day (and let others know how er-U-dite I am).

I came across the except above from MLK's letter from a Birmingham jail. I'm always struck after reading King's writings and speeches just how philosophical and dense his speeches are. Walking around the MLK monument during the summer, it's easy to break down his speeches into a few phrases that look good on a sculpture. But listening to his speeches in their entirety, would not have been a pleasant, ear-catching experience. It would have been something you had to listen to, digest, roll around in your mind, and then ultimately agree or disagree with.

I don't want to say that setting aside a day of volunteering (okay 3-4 hours in my case) is bad. I know it's a start. After reading the above quote, though, it's evident that no one is going to be "extreme" for one day out of the year. Extremism is who you are and what you do with your life the other 364 days. And if it takes a day to be reminded of that lesson, I think that reminder is more the point than how many school railings and monkey bars you can paint out in the cold on a desolate January day.

Thank you Dr. King for that reminder.

"I gotta ask myself
Whats it gon be
Am I gon save myself
Whats it gon be
I gotta ask myself
What Im gon do
Am I gon save myself
Whats it gon be"  
    -Robin Thicke, Ask Myself

2012... can't believe it. 2011 was alright. I have no real complaints, but there was nothing really remarkable about it either. One thing that was cool to do looking over old journal entries was to list 10 awesome events/accomplishments from the previous year. So for 2011, my ten sweet things were:

-getting into the 3 business schools i applied to
-trip to Costa Rica
-giving brownbag presentations at work (it's nice to have some expertise once in a while)
-tango lessons (i don't particularly see myself tangoing in the near future but definitely down the road)
-bartending skills improving
-survived the first semester of B-school
-5th year college reunion! can't believe it's been that long
-PR for half marathon
....

I really can't think of anything else. But the 5-year reunion milestone makes me remember that this year is my 10-year high school reunion. I really don't even know if we're going to have any sort of celebration, it just reinforces the fact that I'm getting old(er) and reminds me of yearbook superlatives.

I had the lucky chance to get voted "most likely to succeed" by my graduating class back in high school.  10 years later, and am I on the right track? This superlative makes me wonder what high schoolers thought success means. My guess is that success = money. By that definition, I am not unsuccessful, but definitely not rich by any means. 5 years from now should give a much clearer picture of the wealth I'll be able to generate in my life. But honestly, I don't care about how much money make, as long as money doesn't restrict my decisions. That sounds like I want to be a millionaire or something, but I really just want to be free of debt and free to set my own schedule without being tied to a paycheck. Maybe that is the life of a millionaire, but my end goal is to be able to know that the talents I have are being put to use to make people's lives better and create something (what? no idea...) that would not exist without my input.

So what are my resolutions for 2012?
the easy ones:
fitness: sub 6-minute mile, muscle-up, 2x bodyweight deadlift, BW: 175 or below
social: expend more effort dating, try to have a steady relationship
life: have a clear a idea if I will gain more staying at my current job or if at the end of business school, I want to switch tracks. be able to definitively answer the question: where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Most likely to succeed? No idea. But my female counterpart, Ms... er Dr. (!) Stavros seems to be on the right track...

So many things to reflect on right now... here goes...

1. This journal. Today I told a group of friends that I've had an online journal for 5 years. They seemed genuinely surprised. I guess I would be to. 5 years of writing your thoughts into an internet abyss? That seems like something someone with a twitter account would do... I do have a twitter account, but so far it is tweet-less.  Anyway, what is the point of this journal for me? I have less and less idea as time goes on, especially since I don't even tell my friends it exists. (I realize that I only let people get a certain distance, and then I automatically try to shut them out... not a good way to keep friends...) I think right now it exists for three reasons. 1: to stay in touch with my brother, kalo. damn he feels far away now. hope the death of kim jong il doesn't upset things for the Korean peninsula. 2: to have a record of my own thoughts and figure out my stance on random topics. 3: to have an excuse to write... I really enjoy the visual presentation of anything. This journal is the only chance I have to write random fiction, random travel experiences, and (rarely) random poems. (4. to complain about girls--this is probably covered in 1-3...)

2. End of the first semester of business school. I looked at the areas of concentration again, now that I may have some room to decide my electives, and my path is as clear as an unplowed path in the forest. The semester was enjoyable--I really enjoyed two classes--decision making and global perspectives. I really appreciated what we learned in another--financial accounting. The rest (human capital, leadership, and business ethics) were about as interesting as the titles suggest. So this semester I learned I like reading about international things and doing quantitative analysis. Definitely nothing groundbreaking there, but where does that leave me? Should I continue to do more of the same--analysis, something I have skills in, but not necessarily passion for? Should I just read the Economist over and over again? Although that would be a sweet job, I'm pretty sure it's not. My career assessment said I match the traits for a career in product development, which can be a marketing position. But then I look at the marketing course offerings and I start to gag. Honestly, it doesn't really matter if I focus on anything in school or not, since every topic is new to me. But I don't want to "waste" two years of my life and come out with a decent GPA but not a better since of direction for my career.  Blarrgeghhre. Why B-school again?

3. Fitness goals. My goals for the year were to be able to do a muscle-up on the rings--basically a movement where you pull yourself from a hanging position into a resting position with your chest and shoulders above the rings.  I also wanted to finish Linda, as written (as Rx). Linda is a crossfit wod, consisting of:

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 reps of the triplet:

Deadlift: 1 1/2 body weight
Bench press: body weight
Clean: 3/4 body weight

Two weeks ago I managed to finish it in 53 minutes, with 1.25 x BW deadlifts, BW bench press, and .7 BW cleans. So... close, but not really. The muscle-up is still also a dream. But... I did manage to walk on my hands for about ten steps last week.  I consider that a life-long goal. So all is not lost ;) As the new year approaches, time to think about what's in store for 2012... off the top of my head: improve flexibility, run sub 1:40 half marathon, do Linda as Rx, and complete 5 muscle-ups. Let's go!

4. Girls girls girls. Basically ended my friendship with Aurora, or whatever I called her in this journal. Going from potential girlfriend to friend is a recipe for disaster. Lesson learned. I never followed up with Arwen (see a post from the summer). No real reason, other than she was "too christian." I don't know, sometimes there seems to be a fine line between obsessive and genuinely faithful. This summer I wasn't ready to deal with either. Sonya... went to the company holiday party with Sonya for the second year. Still a great friend, and nothing more. Wish we were just closer in age... Jasmine... visited her in November for her birthday, and haven't really talked since.  Pretty awesome record, huh? This year I blame it on lack of time. I think the real reason is I don't really know what I'm looking for.  Sounds pretty similar to number 2 above.

5. Performance reviews. It's that time at work. I'm not worried. I think I definitely put the time in this year. Someone at the holiday party called me a protege. I'll take it... I think I may even be promoted a bit early. I just have to make sure that school doesn't continue to get in the way.

And... well, there are more specific events from the past month, I just will toss them into the B-school black hole and reset for the new year.

After gift exchanges for xmas, looking forward to posting about the comparison of my and brother Kalo's journal. Man, you will be missed this xmas for sure. Can't wait to get over there and visit bro.

On days when I can't even remember what meals I have or have not eaten because of an insane schedule, it makes me wonder again why I schedule myself to death.  Hopefully looking back I will see this business school decision to be a time of major growth and new experiences, but with days like this one, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.

6:15 AM- attempt wake up
6:25 AM- actually wake up
7:00 AM- CrossFit workout... some new-found combination of thrusters and rowing... why are the possibilities always endless?
8:15 AM- one of my increasingly frequent trips to the grocery store... breakfast, check, lunch items check
8:30 AM- arrive at "work" to work on a case study for class and email the rest of the team
9:15 AM- create an internal website for a project
12:30 PM- lunch at desk
2:00 PM- project lead meeting at work
3:30 PM- feverishly finish report draft for review
4:45 PM- drive home (this should take 25 minutes... it takes 60)
5:45 PM- get on metro to meet a friend for dinner in DC
6:35 PM- dinner at a crowded bar attempting to maintain a friendship in the midst of a crazy schedule, with mind racing on a million other things
8:30 PM- intentions to go study turn into getting back on the metro
9:15 PM- facebook... like I don't have a million other things to do....
9:30 PM- write response for human capital class
10:30 PM- turn on TV to channel flip between comedy central and food network
10:50 PM- realize that I am not being inspired to laugh or cook a new dish and fall asleep

Worth it? I hope I say yes in a year and a half.

"What was that?" squawked the walkie talkie.

"No, he's conscious, but we should probably get some oxygen down there." The first aid attendee responded and then turned to me, "How's it going?"

"I just need a bandage for my knee, don't want to bleed on everything else," I respond, looking down at my red and expanding knee.  The slip-and-slide obstacle I just pulled myself off wasn't the yellow plastic and manicured lawn version seen in commercials.  It was black tarp and frigid water laid on top of what had felt to be a rock garden.  "My cut doesn't sound as bad as whatever that conversation was about," I add, wondering what obstacle could result in someone requiring oxygen.

"Yeah, it's actually been a pretty light day for injuries," the medic replied cheerily, pulling out a gauze bandage and a roll of medical tape.

I was already grateful my pride didn't get in the way of me asking for a bandage. Crawling around in mud with a gash on your knee was sounding less and less fun.

"Thanks so much," I said, grateful for some added padding and a clean view of the damage, once the blood was wiped away.  With the entire roll of tape now transferred to my knee, I saw that my group was already in the next obstacle.  This one was a series of hay bails in a pool of murky water.  The goal was to jump in the water and climb over the hay.  Not too bad, but any interaction with water during a mid-50s day in the fall wasn't exactly the ideal. With my fresh bandage, I jumped into the murky brown water and began to climb over the hay with the grace of an injured manatee.

All of these obstacles were part of the Tough Mudder, claiming to be "not your average lame-ass mud run or spirit-crushing ‘endurance’ road race. Our 10-12 mile obstacle courses are designed by British Special Forces to test all around strength, stamina, mental grit, and camaraderie. Forget finish times. Simply completing a Tough Mudder is a badge of honor." Apparently lots of people pay to participate in these things, and I had been coaxed by my gym mates to sign up back in August.  

The race started with the registration area at the ski lodge where the event was taking place.  And what registration wouldn't be complete without a mohawk station, a temporary tattoo station, and a keg toss station? We arrived to find people spray painting their hair, stretching, and generally just barking and shouting to psyche themselves up for the race.  My approach was to look around pensively and wonder, "what the heck is wrong with all these people?" Road races--5ks, 10ks, half marathons--are their own sort of strange.  People sign up to run at ungodly early times on a Saturday or Sunday, with no hopes of winning the race.  But at least they stay clean.  Here at the tough mudder, people make a whole weekend event of the race, sleeping over at the ski lodge (thankfully there was no snow on the ground) and proving their primal-ness by running the race in a costume, or if that is too much effort, in as little clothing as possible.

I was expecting a 10-mile run with a bunch of obstacles in the way.  The "race" turned out to be more of a 10 mile hike up and down ski slopes with obstacles that were closer to nuisances along the way.  Yet... it was pretty awesome to go across a 30ft span of monkey bars set up over water, and to run up a 15 foot hay bail and propel yourself over it.  I think those had to be my favorite parts.  

Then there was "Chernobyl," literally a (supposedly clean) dumpster full of green ice water (yes, there were chunks of ice, frequently refreshed by the forklift close by) that you had to jump in and submerge yourself under a board and then climb out.  This "obstacle" was toward the beginning of the race and was pretty much designed just to make the rest of the course miserable.  It worked.  

But in a weird way, this part of the race was one of the most exhilarating. You jump into the ice bath, not knowing what to expect, and then all you get is your body screaming at you, "get out you fool, get out!" I jumped in with a water bottle in my hand and don't even remember letting go of it.  All I could think about was "out." And once you got out, every nerve in your body is on alert.  I seriously have never felt so awake in my entire life.  And even if just for that feeling, the course was probably worth it.  Although I could probably create a dumpster ice bath for less than the course fee...

Anyway, the rest of the race felt kind of gimmicky.  There was a short barbed-wire crawl, a balance beam over water, a log carry up a hill, two sets of walls to climb over, hay bails to vault over, and super-steep ski runs to trudge up.  Combined with the fact that the race came at the end of finals/midterms week, with every step I just wanted to be back in bed.  It was a fun experience, I just had different expectations going in.  I was expecting more crazy physical feats that put your thoughts on hold and less time staring at the backs of someone's calves in front of you, wondering "who thought of charging money for this? they must be sick. or the best salesman ever..."

But yes, I am now a "mudder," proved by my bright orange head band hanging from by cubicle wall at work.  I think the whole experience was summed up at the end, when we all got our "free" beer.  All I could think was, "man, I am freezing.  I need to drink this beer fast so I can stop holding this cold cup." There are many more intelligent ways to enjoy a beer. Walking 10 miles in wet clothes and waiting in line for obstacles is one way to get a beer, but certainly not the smartest.

Roar!

"Teaching at business school for me isn't about the graduates leaving and getting a bigger paycheck, it's about finding your vocation--your calling, an occupation that you have the skills to complete, but more importantly, the position or company that pulls you toward it. You are looking for something that excites you, that motivates you to improve on your weaknesses and leave the world in a better place than where you found it." -Prof. A, b-school orientation

The first week of class we had an inspirational professor come in and tell us that business school is not about money, not about status, not about bonuses and compensation.

That was the first week. After that, seeing the list of companies recruiting at the business school--IBM, Kraft, GE, KPMG, AT&T--it's hard to believe that the quote above could apply to interviewing for a general management consulting position at any of these behemoths of a company. I'm approaching business school more with the above outlook, looking for what can truly excite me, but when the opportunities don't match the message, it's a little hard to stay focused.

So seven weeks are done, and now we start two new classes (managing human capital and decision making) in addition to the continuation of accounting. I have to say that the work in the classes so far hasn't been terribly difficult, it's just impossible to find time to do devote to everything. 3 classes plus work plus maintaining any friendships you hope to keep after these two years are over is pretty exhausting. Throw in some work travel and a family emergency and it's a recipe for lots of gray hair.

But before I forget my first impressions of the program here are a few:
The class can be divided as follows:

• Scholarship recipients-- the people who are genuinely smart, motivated, and have a clear idea of what they want to do afterwards
• Georgetown waitlisters-- similar to the first group, except sometimes they make a comment that makes you want to avoid whatever corporation they will end up working for because of the ignorance behind it
• Curious-- know they need a graduate degree, not sure what they will do with it
• Give me my degree already!-- people who are counting down the hours until they can escape their current job or get that promotion

It's hard to see that business school will really help anyone to find their true vocation. It seems like finding that calling requires a level of soul-searching that 10 hours of class, 40 hours of work, and 10 hours of classwork just doesn't allow for. I am praying that business school proves me wrong on that account. Last week I took a kind of business-school oriented career aptitude survey, and it seems like I have all the qualities necessary to succeed in "Product Development" or helping to manage a non-profit organization. I think such a position seems like a good fit-- creative but goal-driven, lots of feedback, work in teams but primarily individual tasks. Now I just need to figure out where such a position exists...

Oh, and I ran this race the other day. I can almost walk normally again.  More on that to follow...